Cutting Loose the Ties that Bind

The other day, on Facebook, I posted the quote from a Leann Womack song, "I hope you dance."  I posted it on my personal page and also on a group page that I created, Goddesses Gather Here.  On the Goddess page, I also described a time, in the not-too-distant past, where I held myself back from something...dancing, to be exact...and it haunts me to this day.

 

When we were in New Orleans in October 2011, we had the chance to hear one of the many local brass bands on a street corner.  It was Bourbon and Canal, I believe.  These were young guys and I didn't even get their band name!!  (Chalk that up to another of the regrets from this encounter!)  They were jamming and a small crowd developed.  Some locals, I think, started to feel the music and began to dance, there in the middle of the street (Bourbon is closed to vehicle traffic most, if not all, evenings.)  This guy motioned for us to join in.  I was feeling the music, and when I asked Chris the other day, he was, too.  You know what we did?  Nothing ~ nada ~ zip!  We just stood there on the sidewalk and enjoyed the band.  We did NOT let ourselves be overtaken by the music and swept up in the moment, drop our self-consciousness and dance! 

 

Damn it, I tell myself to this day!  Why am I so concerned what others might think of me or my dancing??  Sheesh, most of them were probably full of adult beverages by that point, anyway!  And, maybe, if we had gotten out there, they would have let down their guard and we would have all been dancing fools, while getting the N'awlins experience down to our bones!

 

Another opportunity slipped through my fingers (or should I say my toes) when people were line dancing to music that was being pumped so loudly from inside one of the bars on Bourbon!  Now, Chris would not have jumped in on this one because he despises line dancing!  (I'm not talking country line dancing here, but the few songs that are played in "regular" bars, like the Electric Slide and Cupid Shuffle.) 

 

Double damn!!  What is wrong with me?! 

 

Fast forward to June 2013 ~ this time, the vacation locale is Key West.  After reserving our condo and plane tickets, I looked into what might be going on during our weeklong stay.  To my pleasant surprise, Key West Pride was happening!  We would arrive the day before their parade!  Pride in Key West?!?  And our first Pride parade, no less!  Oh, yeah, this is going to be crazy! 

 

On our first day, I saw people, tourists and islanders alike, in all manner of dress and lack thereof!  I told myself that I was going to wear my bikini top with shorts for the parade that next day!!!  It was comfortably hot for our trip and I had been working out for almost 4 years at my amazing gym with my amazing instructors and gym-mates!  I looked GOOD!  We are drinking, walking around, feeling & looking great!

 

I wore a tank top!  When it came down to it, you guessed it, I chickened out b/c I was feeling self-conscious!!  Obviously, I had NOT learned from New Orleans!  I was NOT seizing the moment!  And I cannot begin to tell you how many folks, with not perfect bodies, I saw throughout the week with more skin-exposed than me!!!  I needed some main-lining of their confidence!!

 

I still had an awesome time!  Got myself glitter-bombed by the manager of one of the gay bars, where we had stationed ourselves for the parade among the fun masses!! 

 

I had been informed by a high school classmate about a clothing-optional bar called the Garden of Eden.  I looked into it, about as much as there is information to be gleaned from the internet...which is to say, not very much.  I knew it was the rooftop bar atop two other bars on Duval Street.  It immediately made our To Do list.

 

I ordered some skull & crossbone pasties!!  (The whole pirate theme!!)

 

We head up from The Bull, one of our favorite hangs, to the Garden of Eden on one of the nights my mom is with us.  It's still "early," at 9, so the crowd is very sparse.  We find some seating, in a corner, and start our people watching.  I see some ladies at the bar with their tops pulled down, and another not far from us, the same.  Some 20-somethings show up and start drunk dancing for the DJ's enjoyment.  I'm working on getting my nerve up and waiting for more "participants" to arrive...

 

when the skies open and it begins to rain for the first (but not last) time since our arrival!!  We find cover, hoping it will be short-lived, but lightening joins the rain and we decide we better get to stepping because we have several blocks' walk back to the condo.

 

I figure Chris and I will have another nite to head up to the Garden after my mom leaves.  I will put on my pasties before we head out.  Ensuring that I will go sans top, for a moment, at least!

 

Yeah, right!  We never did make it back to that rooftop oasis. 

 

And here I am with a couple more regrets to add to my list.  Ugh!

 

I am working on this flaw.  Both of us are.  We need to be less concerned about the thoughts of others (for so many reasons) and live a life less cautious. 

 

Even on the off chance I get embarrassed, I will have a funny memory and not a lingering regret.  Or, I might just have one of THE best memories of my life!  In the immortal words of my youngest sister, Shannon, "You never know til you find out!"

 

Any words of encouragement are greatly appreciated!